she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
