I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
