Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
