Do you still have your period?
dude i'm inner monologue high
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You can't just leave with hair like that
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
