the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
