def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
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I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
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Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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