If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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