I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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