it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
