Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
