im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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