just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.