What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone