Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
