I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.