I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER