i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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