i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.