is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
