so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
