I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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