Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
