i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
