Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
