So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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