if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
