i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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