sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
