i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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