help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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