Will you blow on my dice?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Can vaginas get frostbite?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Randomize
