You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
