Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
