where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
