They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
