don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If I die, sorry about rent.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize