you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
