Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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