But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
