when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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