Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
