We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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