i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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