If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
