My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
