I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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