4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
