Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
