you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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