No stitches, just platelets and will power
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
