lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
