I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
