the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
