If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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