Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
