The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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