One girl and one boy is just not enough.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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