so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
