I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
