dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
