Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dick very happy bro
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