Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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