Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
lets start a swedish sibling band together
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
