dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
