yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
