Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
