Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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