Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
