dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we made out on top of his cat.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
