I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
