I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
