best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
