So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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