Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
