Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
