I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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