As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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