my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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