fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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