You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
