you would pick up someone in the library
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
