if you like me you must not know who I am
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
