I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
