I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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