hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
