For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
