White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
